Sometimes in the quiet

It was about twelve years ago that I was working in corporate america. I had only been married for about five and a half years. I had a loving wife and a son who wasn't even two years old yet. I felt secure with my life and we were comfortable. After struggling with the maturing process for most of my short married life I felt secure with where I was with my career, my family and myself. The world world was changing around me. September of that year will be remembered in history as 9/11. I didn't realize the magnitude of the changes that were happening in the world until many years later. But for me the biggest change didn't happen in September, it started in December of 2001. I was a part of a great wave of layoffs that happened across the US.

Everything got real quiet.

And, the in the quiet I got to thinking and praying.

The thinking and praying in that quiet turned into a business of my own. With the exception of an intern here or there I went at it alone for about four good years. In those four years my wife and I had another child; our daughter.

Then things got quiet again. 

It was one morning at breakfast with a friend of mine that got me thinking this time. That thinking turned into thinking and praying. 

I ended up selling part of the future of the business to three other men and resulted in many years of hard work. I was driven. I was stressed. I was learning. But I was not filled with peace and had very little real joy. But I was stubborn and had lots of responsibility. It took me about four years to realize my condition and another year to admit that it was not good for me. The next two years I spent transitioning my responsibilities to others... clients, employees, etc. I didn't feel like I could just drop the people in my business life. During this two years there was a little of that quiet that allowed me to start thinking again. But not enough of it.... 

The quiet was interrupted! My aunt who was like a mom to me was dying of cancer. We were close, she never married or had any children of her own. I was with her until the end of her life on earth. The day of her life celebration service my step dad who was one of my best friends was diagnosed with cancer. About that same time I shut down that business I had started. I was back to working on my own with a few contractors and friends only as we needed each other. About a year ago my step dad died. 

Now that I have had time to morn. 

It is quiet again.

Quiet enough to think and pray.

Sometimes in the quiet I think and pray.

Once I get to thinking who knows what will happen.

Lord,

Bring me your peace.

Guide me on your path.

Fill me with your joy.